Wednesday, December 3, 2014

I hate that EVIL fire whistle!!

Loathe the evil anti-pedantic non-subjective entity known as the "Fire Siren"!

Latrobe, Pennsylvania

  It's a quiet and peaceful morning, birds singing and bunnies frollocking across the yards. It's almost noon and the sun shines brightly on you through the window, almost as if to tuck you in for a mid-day's nap. It is then that it happens... ROAR!  Not a work of nature, a work of man, an end to all peace, yes I am speaking of course about the notorious, infamous "Fire Siren".

  In backwater towns like Latrobe and others just like it across the Laurel Highlands and similar places, this is the so-called norm. They wail as if to say, 'how dare you think of being peaceful and happy'. They are no shorter than at least 30 seconds. But that is if you are lucky.

The extra long ones go every Saturday, with emphasis on the FIRST Saturday of the month!!! It is purse insanity, we would never know if we were about to be bombed or anything because there is no louder siren or more scary sounding siren than the one that they use as if sending a text message.... sheesh!
some places have different sirens for different things, as if one is not enough!

Why I Hate It

- Every first saturday of the month at precisely 12 o'clock NOON

- Like this post and most of my others, it lasts WAY too long!

- I clocked it at 5 minutes, holding the same tone (not oscilating like it   normally does, they do that too---but on a different day, read on..)

- Also on EVERY saturday of the month around 12 Noon, if not the 1st saturday, they test the 'oscilating tone'. This test is not as long but just as annoying since I live right next to it now (the siren, not the test).

- Even the firestation has SOUNDPROOFED walls so it doesn't annoy them as much, so what good does that do... wouldn't want the ones RESPONDING to the alarm hearing it, would we?
A better use for those sirens (above)

- What happens if an air raid were to happen?? They probably do the air raid siren for longer, in which case it would take at least 5 minutes to figure out it wasn't a test, or, a quick run to the calendar to make sure it wasn't a saturday or noon. The old people for whom it serves would be so confused by the time the figured out it wasn't a saturday test, they would be dead. (It must be a clever form of Population Control? (but only during a real air-raid))

- What about cell phones? (they exist!!??! guess what... there are also telephones, telegraphs, smoke signals (wink)) How about flashing lights or ... maybe, a chimpanzee could ride a unicycle down the streets, that would at least be amusing because waking up to a siren blaring in your ear at 3am is NOT.

- Why 4 stations for one car wreck? Because, they need a good excuse for meeting up to schedule the next week's poker match. Or... the car hit one of the other stations (believe me, it happens).
In Denver, Colorado, they use this siren combo
to  "Announce" the emergency (yikes)Add caption

- Almost never for a real fire (for most people: is there such a thing, and when does anyone ever notice or care, we were taught that rape victims scream fire, so we dont want to help with a real one), but if it IS a real fire, it is usually automated so I never (ever) hear the siren for a fire. We should just call it the "two-or-more-cars-in-a-minor-fender-bender siren" or the "lightning-struck-a-rod-at-the-power-plant siren"

- The Police never need sirens, said the police cheif's wife (after all they have their own, which are about as loud and annoying --- the wives, not the siren)

- Volunteers Rarely even use it (they have scanners/CB/and (gasp) cell phones)

- Volunteers Use for Excuse to drive fast, run red lights, grope young women, etc..

The Fire Engine may not be used too often for it's intended purpose, but at least it always has 16 coats of fresh wax on it. Wouldn't want to show up at the scene with a dirty fire truck would we? (The Firemen in this picture are off playing poker :) )

Need a fan as big as a small apartment? No problem, the FD has you covered.... and with that I introduce the next section:

Why do I ***e VENT trucks? Well, it's because...

- Vent trucks cause pollution. The drivers of said Vent trucks put off as much poisonous fumes as the trucks themselves and the vent sites (because of all the Wendy's food they eat, of course!)

Can you say "Chrome"
- Vent trucks are useless because they send them out so often they create even more carbon monoxide. I've never seen one used for it's real purpose, other than a parade, "false alarm" and of course, at the car wash.

- Fighters do not, will not, (CANNOT per city/state ordinances) save cats (unless they are on fire) especially when in one of these trucks.

- They are obnoxious (they are the hydraulic jumping gang members of the fire department. I wouldn't be surprised if it has a 16-speaker DVD surround sound theater in there next to a deep fryer with a high speed internet connection).

90 coats of wax please!

- They do they have dogs of any kind, especially not dalmatians.. its wrong, and, if they find a dog in need, they can't even help it (unless it's on fire).

- They live IN THE FIRE STATION and play poker, and they spend more time polishing the trucks than they do washing them

- The old people are the reason nothing changes, they actually are somehow comforted by the familiar siren, since that is all they can hear anyway

- The schools are teaching kids to accept things as is, but they arent being successful because the kids can't hear the teacher over that siren!



In closing, I hate useless things like excessive do-nothing sirens and vent trucks that are more a centerpiece of a parade than an actual tool. I conclude that they still do this because their minds have been affected by all the exposure to carbon monoxide and the inability to relearn anything due to the fact they are all deaf (and me too). Perhaps my bad attitude ("badittude") is to blame here. But there's a better chance of a Unicorn prancing down the street mounted by a mermaid wearing the skins of tooth fairies than there is needing those sirens.

  Just so you know: THIS IS NOT directed to the firefighters, they are cool. I absolutely support what they do and believe in. I just happen to hate those sirens and don't blame them for not saving cats or playing poker because:

1) everyone is sue-happy and saving a cat can end in a lawsuit like you wouldn't believe if you didn't do it "right" -- another case of good people done in by greedy people.  
2) Being a life long firefighter is a very trying career path. It doesn't pay much (if at all). It's not fun, ever.  It probably would give you nightmares if you didn't find some way to pass the empty hours like by spending time with your co-workers, playing poker, trying to find an excuse to get together during work hours because If you don't, some sue-happy snooty old woman will report you to the chief... that's the world we live in.
3) people who put their lives on the line at a moments notice should be exempt from snooping in, but, like i said...  
4) I am sure the Firemen/women hate that damn siren just as much as we do, its the old bureaucrats who are responsible, so my fingers are pointing to them and their related clansmen.

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