Thursday, May 26, 2016

Coalition Against Fascist Federal Empires, Institutions and Nations Everywhere


a collage of thoughts on war, sickness, starvation and the ones who make it happen and why we shouldn't be the ones to win dreams from others.


    If there was such a thing, I suppose I would join an army with the nickname 'CAFFEINE' just because it sounds cool and they probably serve espresso to all their soldiers.


     Isn't facism everywhere now with the United States butting into everyone's country and policing the world. That makes it fascist because the very definition of the word is to insist that your ideas and ideals are the way things should be done and that everyone else that doesn't do it this way is a terrorist. Don't get me wrong -- i don't think going around bombing random buildings with suicide troops is okay either.


      However, the question at hand is: shouldn't each country be allowed to proceed in it's own way, regardless of what we thing is best for them.  These people need to fight their own battles so they can appriciate it when they finally do achieve freedom or whatever they really wanted.


     If we do it for them it will turn out as it does like when a spoiled kid gets a car without having to work for it. You turn around and he's wrecked it and crying for a new car. Same with the countries we help. They'll blow it all up and whine they need more of our help.


      People will call this inhuman to 'let people suffer'. But suffering is a natural part of life. Lots of people had to suffer just for us to get to where we are now. It is only natural for more suffering that will be needed for others to get the same. 


    We shouldn't be helping people just because we have to see the ugly side of things. What about all the things we DONT know about.  Thats right, we do nothing because we don't need to know about it (out of sight, out of mind). 


So lets, as a country, stop acting like brats, and let people live their own lives.
We Americans are brats, at the party, making fun of the other third world countries, and then slipping them 5 dollar bills, just to humiliate them in public.


I may be American but I don't consider myself 'with them'. It is hard to live here and be tied down by fate. This place is so full of terrible  things, which when we are young dont realize it. Just be careful in this country, it is REALLY MESSED UP.


...just kidding, no more topics, bye!

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Hatred of Minecraft and Hypixel


A ten month observation of why Hypixel and related servers are just wrong, why to keep your kids away from them, and why minecraft can easily suck the life out of you if you are not aware of it. Be vigilant! Make sure to take steps because anyone who has played minecraft knows one cant play it in moderation! (And kids certainly could never do this!)


I can sum up this whole thing in two words: life wasted. You only get one, should you really be spending it on Hypixel throwing away hundreds of dollars/pounds just to have butterfly wings on a place where everyone is either four years old or is logging on from a developmentally disabled halfway house and cant wipe their butt without a staff member's help. These are the same people that if left in a bathroom the attendant would come back to the mis-spelled words "Popy wal" (supposed to be Poopy Wall) written on the wall in shit.) No I dont think they are all like that, but the ones WITH brains are just having their time and money sucked by the 95% that qualifies to the type of persona I just mentioned.


Good example, build battle --- half the time before i forbid all use of it, when my kids were on it, I saw in one week 90 times (yes 90) a nearly or all out win of  someone building either a giant dick, a giant man with a dick squirting white stuff out, as my kids described to my horror. IF YOU HAVE KIDS DO NOT LET THEM ON HYPIXEL UNLESS YOU INTEND TO LET THEM KNOW ABOUT THE FILTHYNESS OF THE WORLD!!!  I just had to put that out there because thats the truth, no matter how many hundreds you report -- 200 more come in the time that you did. This is why kids under the age of say 15 should probably not be on hypixel or related sites (like Minecraft Central, which is just as bad).


So they say they are all fair right? Get this: I report many of these and they never got even a day of being banned because either they were paying members or they paid for unban right away, or, beacuse I didnt have some evidence they required (technicality) as if a screenshot isnt good enough, they want a blood sample, your firstborn child, and a sample of semen from the opposing party, oh and a screenshot of you standing in front of the real atomic clock to verify the date.


It gets worse, ive seen countless people get banned (30 days!) just for speaking out in horror against these terrible deeds. Who in their right mind would not? Apparently Hypixel and friends are in the buisiness only for the money, and of course corrupting our youth is apparently another aim of this terrifying place. Nude skins (which they say are against the rules) run rampant. There are so-called hangouts where sexual related activities take place. All I ever see the admin do is use their power to win the very games they are supposed to be protecting. Why are admins playing? isn't it supposed to be a JOB? 


Its a good thing minecraft doesn't  have some way of dumping drugs and alcohol into our kids hands because if they did, they would. This becomes apparent on some of the cracked servers when I see 'cocaine speed' as a menu option when you log in. These are all accessible through legit website lists too. To make it all worse, there actually is a Grand Theft Auto server plugin --- which you certainly dont want your kids playing that right? (its called Mine Theft Auto or something like that, or just 'Minecraft GTA').


Other games like Cops and Crims sound bad but are not when you see them. Many games are 'cute' and have a look of innocence to them, which is the disguise minecraft servers wear to hide their horrible members, who are rich enough to buy all the unbans they need to keep on filling our heads with filth.


So online servers: destroy youth and innocence in a flash
offline play: waste thousands of hours when the kid could be learning something


Do I know first hand as a parent Minecraft? Yes, I personally took it upon myself to make sure I fully immersed myself in it as well so I could properly know what my kids were into. Talk about a horrifying experience!  It almost sucked me in as bad is it did them. 


    It will be about 10 months now and I am finally breaking this off, and I can see why the main developer wants nothing to do with his creation that turned into a monster. I would have done the same thing. But I dont blame him, as a programmer I know how it is to dream of creating something that changes the world. But we usually want that to happen in a GOOD way. He must of been devastated when he found out this kind of pay-to-win crap was going on (dont get me started on pay to win, its a whole 'nother horror).


....just kidding! said I wasn't getting into that (were you scared?)

Thursday, September 17, 2015

I hate showers: the parent's guide to getting your kid to take a shower

Written by Dr. Aya Piffany, F.M.D., F.P.D.

 It's the same all over the world, your kid's alarm clock goes off (or you wake them up), they get up and run out the room only to pass right by the bathroom door and head for the kitchen. Completely neglected is the bathroom where the morning shower/bath that lies utterly dry.
Today's kids don't work in mine shafts, they
play Minecraft instead... except they enjoy it.

  Why do kids hate showers? One 2012 article states that the kids is either lazy, depressed, or can't smell themselves.  But what happens when they pass everyone in the house and they are holding their own nose for the first 15 minutes of each day, running like they are the happiest person on the planet and bouncing off the walls like their energy levels are infinite.

 The answer could be, priority. Showers just are not important to kids because they just don't rank high enough on the importance scale. Minecraft and cartoons are much higher on
Explain organizing shoes is less
important than taking a shower.
this scale, right by eating. If you have a girl, you probably can exchange cartoons for Taylor Swift (the Britney Spears of the 10's). When I was a kid, it was Atari 2600 and my Tree House, begging to Play Pitfall instead of watching the news on a fuzzy analog screen that looked like furniture.

  So how can priority change? Well, the problem is, once kids at school start making fun of kids for not showering for more than a week or so, they are likely to be made fun of even more for taking one (making it obvious). So don't expect your kid to shine up like the new penny he/she is right off the bat because most kids get made fun of if they change in any way noticeable by their peers.

  Habit-forming is the best answer though. If you get them in a CONSISTENT habit of taking one, screaming and fighting as it may be, it needs to happen each and every day without exception, even weekends. Also, make sure they have enough time to 'cover up' the fact that they look different. Let them blow dry their hair and put it back the way as normal. Buy them unscented body washes and deodorants at first, gradually (even without any help from you) they will decide if they want to have any intruding scents coming from them, good or bad -- that doesn't mean buy them 'fart smell spray' however (my kids actually asked for that!).

Don't do things that will make your kids take your
ideas of cleanliness less seriously (and respect
will also drop drastically even more so with their
friends over to visit and play for the afternoon.
 Educating your child can also help. With google today you can show what bedbugs, lice, dead skin, flea infestations and all sorts of scary gross stuff that you normally would have to explain yourself actually LOOKS LIKE. Even better, if you have the stomach for it, use YouTube to show real life news stories as long as it is from a credible source (many kids are smart enough to know if they are being tricked). For me, the story of the girl who went to school with a family of rats living inside her thick tangled hair was a great motivator[1].

  Lastly, keeping a chart, giving some sort of extra reward is a good way to reinforce habits like this. The big thing here is to be consistent. Kids see weakness in us parents as an excuse to be inconsistent themselves. If you absolutely do not have enough time or a water main breaks, seek the closest and earliest substitute (right after school, or at your best friend's house that lives right next to you, if that's an option, etc).

Well, I hope this has been as informative to you as it was to me (when I did the research, that is). I don't usually like writing about things OTHER people hate, but since it was for my kids (and yours) I will make this one exception. Until next time, don't forget to go away and not come back!

PS: I didn't have the time to grammar or format check this post, so forgive me if the formatting is a bit funny because I am leaving home as soon as I click publish!!

Misc Links
[1] - the only link i can find related to the girl with rat nest story [i guess the media yanked all the links cause theres no pics no more :( ]
[2] "5 reasons kids hate showers"
[3] Actually, I am in a big hurry, just google '' and look at those links, that should be close to what I did my research on!

Sunday, September 13, 2015

I hate crazy women

Damnit, I hate crazy women with a passion to kill. And let me tell you why. This is a true story and not exaggerated either:

It was about the end of our mild summer here in the northeast (2015) and I took my 10 and 12 year old kids up to the store. It was pretty early, about 7 o'clock or so, I got out because I didn't think the store was open. The kids stayed in the car because they didn't want to walk up to the door with me to check the hours.

I shit you not, I walked up (this is about 30 seconds), to the store, which was open, to check the hours, then walked back (30 more seconds), to find what? A rapant 40ish female raving at me about how my kids have been left alone in the car for a half hour. When I replied, "no it has not been a half hour". She of course said "I've been here the whole time, haven't I kids?". My kids gave me the same confused look I was giving her, but it was quickly turning to hatred. I told her over and over what just happened, quoting the reality that laid out before her.  Then I made the mistake of saying "even if it was a half hour, it's not like it would be any of your business anyway". It was like opening up pandorras box or maybe the only saftey latch left on this women's mouth.

Just let you mind fill in the blanks on that one. I left saying stuff like "Go ahead" and "It's a free country". It was pointless and we quickly decided she was a waste of our time. If anyone should have the cops called on them, it was her for distrubing an otherwise peaceful morning. The temperature is about 55-60 degrees, sunny. So tell me, what did I do wrong? 

I left wondering if I should call someone. Maybe she was tripping on acid or something or maybe in normal life she is such a bitch that someone thought it would be fun to slip her something in her coffee. That thought aside, I didn't do anything.

Well, I wouldn't say anything, I wrote this blog entry. So, I say to you, crazy bitch on acid prowling the Shop and Save parking lot at 7 in the morning: Lay the Fuck off the drugs will ya, your disturbing the peace! Next time I might call the cops just for some sideshow fun! (of course, video-recording the whole thing!)

Saturday, July 4, 2015

"Four Those Jewel Eyes" or "In-me-pants dance day" (answers to the huzzle at bottom of page)

a huzzle is a homophonic puzzle spelled out with words, see end of entry for answers (upside down)

Of course, everyone HAS to start on the 3rd right? 

For the record, the ticket prices are spot on for my town. Sure they may be
+/- 25c in yours, but it's still highway robbery! (hope you didn't get the +25c!!)
Apparently, they wont rip you off on your credit card unless you are willing
to get ripped off for at least 20$, aren't they just the nicest?


You get out those expen$ive camping chairs with the drink holder, complete with a stove, cooler, ***k massager, and stacked them on the streetside so you didn't have to do it in the morning. Put out your favorite blankets and comfy things that ensured you would have to do absolutely nothing. Not all goes as planned.

And be prepared to pay for the wallet devouring carnivals that ensue. These shows are the exact same as last year, save a scooby doo 'house of horrors' which is more like a 'house of disappointed children'.

Our town got the round up for the first time ever. That's right--my town sucks so bad we didn't even have 'round up' until this year. What did we have before, we had some lame excuse for the 'octopus'. I think it was called 'the rertarded squid' or something like that. Oh yeah, and we finally got rid of those spinner tea-cup look alikes from disney world. All those do is make you really sick. If you ask me, that is not worth the price of 7 tickets.
I bet the kid in the grey shirt gets yelled at after the
parade ("Tim why didn't you wear your red,
white+blue shirt? You are grounded mister!")

So What IS The Fourth Really About?

Yes it's that time of year again. Time for everyone to get out their camping chairs and line them up on the street for the 239th annual "Who Has The Coolest Chair On The Block Day" or "Who Bought The Most Expensive Glowy Things For Their Kids Day". I mean, it's not like it's about anything else. Oh wait, I forgot that is for families only, for the single (didn't forget you), theres another purpose.
They are yelling and waving, at who is anyone's guess.

But I'm Single... What(or Who) Do I Do?

Singles, its the 239th annual "Get So Smashed You'll Have Sexual Relations With Anything That's Warm" or "Get Disappointed Of Your Towns Crappy Firework Budget" once again.
Looks like one successful catch for this guy, The dude in the red
shirt doesn't look near as happy with his, get a better rod dude!

Remissness on Last Year If Possible

Hey, how was last year. Last year? It was... a dud.  Across the USA, fireworks did not fire when the laptop told it to, which is partly to blame because it was running on windows 8.  But Microsoft did assure us that the fireworks will not 'stall out' this year like they did the last two years, or back in 2006-7 (Windows Vista, remember?). Yup, its supposed to be good this year except...

Now To Get Ready... (starting on the 3rd of course)


need I comment on this?
Mother nature is a bitch with an agenda for ruining the best holidays. The 4th is no exception. This year, she had you by the balls making you think it wasn't gonna rain at night but it came down pummeling even, as if to say 'Screw You and your Chairs!'.

...and then morning comes...

The Parade

As if hearing practice of bagpipes for the last hour wasn't bad enough, of course they have to start it off with a FIRE WHISTLE from every station near enough to hear (read my other post, about those annoying bastards if you dare).

It's clear, it's wet, you guessed it... it's RAIN!!
What is this stuff, it looks like water? Huh? In JULY?!?!  We didn't prepare for this. Why? Because it's not supposed to happen. So far today started out with nothing but wall to wall wet blankets, and a well-rained-on parade. Candy got tossed in mud puddles, you name it, it happened. And apparently, the Water Girls still thought they were needed (Thus proving my theory that High School Water Girls are contracted by frustrated middle-aged-men who need an excuse to look at a teen girl without their wife smacking the shit out of them).

The Parade

And if for some reason, you just NEED to get your yearly fix of looking at Fire Trucks, don't despair, there will be at LEAST 45-70 fire trucks. And even if you are in a small town, you are most likely going to see the trucks from EVERY surrounding town one county over on each side. Usually this is about a 100 or so mile radius.
The Parade

And who the hell decided that pink was a good color for
a fire truck?? The mayor must be wearing spandex
and has a groomed poodle named 'kisses'.
No, its not over yet, candy throwing is padded to keep the kids from saying "who f***ing long is this funeral" says timmy. "It's not a funeral, its a parade" says Dad. "Its a f**king nightmare is what it is" says Mom.

The Parade

It's still not over at this point. So we decide to leave now. We've seen enough fire trucks to last us several lifetimes. Enough VFW troops to fill a small country. Enough candy to stock a newspaper stand...

The Parade

JUST kidding.. no more parade sections (make it stop) Although since you live right NEXT to that street, we get to hear it until it has circled the entire town.

Nothing Says Independence Like... Bingo?

Yes the eagle and statue are wearing
matching swimwear.

Why do old people always look so pissed off? Because they always loose at bingo.
And why, if you are old and slow, choose a game based on speed to win?
That covers the morning events. On to.... bingo?? WTF does bingo have to do with gaining our independence. I guess we have earned the freedom to play bingo even on a patriotic holiday! Wow, freedom's great!

Riding Rides at a Fraction of the Cost

And then, hustle down to the Park, there's probably a Fair going on. It's selling ride tickets at 1.50$ a pop. But wait, a ride ticket won't actually get me on a ride. How many then? ....7??? 8!!!? WTF!?  That's NOT a ride ticket, the sign should actually read "1/8th of a ride tickets, sold here for 1.55 a pop".

Bracelet Nazis

It turns out they do this because they want you to buy a bracelet that costs 15$ which is way reasonable. Oh wait, you have 3 kids? Uh oh... 60$ does NOT sound reasonable to me --looks like I'm screwed again.  And you know your kids are going to BEG BEG BEG you to get tickets, bracelets, the glowy things, and every other nick-nack they see. I bet you what you have left at the end of the day, that you will have nothing left at the end of the day (so that means you don't have to give me anything, see there is a silver lining!!).

Where do the Poor Folk Go?

If you are poor like me, You'll have to just bring your own food (unless 5$ for a 40 cent hot dog is reasonable) and drink, and head over to the "free band" which has a name even your grandmother thinks is stupid. This year it's called "Your Mamma's Friends Friend Band" who play oldies and country music. Wonderful.... (*vomits*).  Tip: drink a LOT of alcohol before hand and you MIGHT black out and forget the whole day.

Thriller Filler or Duller Fodder

...seeing this is far better than watching MY town's fireworks
(my dog things this is going on outside regardless)
Next up are beauty contests, face painting, and lame things like throwing horseshoes to win banana splits and such.

This might be fun the first 30 times you think about doing it, but in practice is quite the lame experience. Also, half of this costs your life savings. Of course it benefits that charity, but then why do they need a league of corvettes? (which were coincidentally in the parade earlier!).

Here is an extra paragraph about nothing because there is a awesome thunderstorm picture I just had to add in right of here!


Don't Forget "The Others" (meh)

After visiting family you don't want to see, we are about ready for the main event. The fireworks that are 1 1/2 hours late, yet they still clap. Before they start tonight, I guarantee there will be 3 fires (small pretend or lame ones), one or two long delays, and a finale that happens while everyone already got tired of waiting and are on their way out. (and of course, everyone stops, gets out of their car, sits on top, to watch the closing of an awful display, it's Murphy's law!!) bah... if they had a firework shaped like a penis that MIGHT be something, but come on, flags and the letter 'V' are NOT impressive. (And no, they didn't do it on purpose, the V thing is usually a misshaped star.)

oh and in case you wanna know how I feel about drinking+driving on the 4th...


Avoid The Danger Of Actually Remembering

So if you are smart, drink a 5th on the 4th and don't come forth 'till the 5th. I'll post a follow-up of the day, whenever I come back from being out cold; that is, when I regain consciousness.


Happy "Four Those Jewel Eyes"!!
(pronounced "fourth of July")
(tip: the s is silent when you say it quickly enough)

In Me Pants Dance Day
(pronounced "independence day" if you didn't figure that one out)
(tip: usually drunks sound like they are saying that anyway...)


1. The ***k massager, get your minds out of the gutter, i meant back massagers, but you can imagine whatever you want -- not every 4 letter word that ends with k is bad. (There are some harmless words with more too, they can start with F and end in UCK, that still is the spelling for FiretrUCK OFF).

2. For those who say you drive better when you are drunk, I say "You FEEL better when you are drunk", but feeling better does not mean that you actually are better at doing the things you are doing. Perception is the key here. I could take 50 hits of extacy and WOULD feel like I could drive a school bus better than anyone in the world, but of course that wouldn't be true now would it?? Think about it retards.

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Cow Tip of the Day: simple steps to avoiding being a prejudice, fascist, racist closed-minded bigot

Today's Tip: How To Avoid Prejudice

Hello everyone, it's me, Yuri Elstew Phod, and I've noticed some things that are pretty prejudice. This one is pretty bad, so is this one... and don't forget this terribly closed minded and skewed report.

There are some pretty simple steps to avoiding being a prejudice, fascist, racist closed-minded bigot. It's not hard at all. But I think some of you might just be getting a little confused so I will try to use some easy to understand words and a step-by-step list. Here we go...

Step 1: Do NOT become spokesperson for your race/religion/group/etc

I see this too often. One person, or even a small group of people, making assumptions that EVERYONE from their related whatever feels EXACTLY like they do. This is wrong because you couldn't possible know that.  Just because you are a vegetarian and hate fishing for sport does NOT mean every vegetarian feels that way. That being the mildest of cases, you know who you are, heavy cases!

Step 2: Don't Group

The minute you name a group like black, white (chess!), rich, poor, white mouse, slimy fish... you are grouping. This is a bad thing too. Again it makes for a very bad impression on people when you group them in this manner. Try to see people as people (or mice) and not as groups.

Step 3: Don't Dwell

  Dwelling on anything already over and done with is pointless. History IS taught in school and last I checked we were not teaching our kids to hate. In fact, most of the hatred seems to come from parents when concerned with school.

Step 4: Understand Location

  Sure, things could be bad with certain 'things' in your neighborhood, city, state, church, etc. Once again, generalizing is generally a bad thing, and nothing good can come from it, generally speaking. Remember that your town or whatnot does not define the status-quot for EVERY populous en centre in the whole world!

Step 5: Eyes, Ears, and _Mouth_ Open!

  Prejudice is all around us, don't close your eyes to it. Don't pretend you don't hear it. And certainly SAY SOMETHING IF IT BOTHERS YOU. I would not be surprised if most prejudice starts from miscommunication alone. And, for those who are into being soft-spoken, don't be afraid to remind someone what century it is after they make a racial slur or a pop off their next gay joke.

Step 6: Do Your Part

  When I was growing up, I was taught first time funny, second time not funny, third time.... punishment. What about 12,000,000 times? If that were the case, most of us would have been put to death with the prejudice we spread. I am SURE we can do better than that. Making that number 0 is the best thing we can do with our lives.

Step 7: Don't Expect Miracles

  Remember that this is NOT going to happen in your lifetime but it won't happen at all if nobody does anything. If there is any group you DO NOT want to be put into, its the group of people that allowed prejudice to exist longer than it ever should have.

Step 8: Repeat

  Doing it once is not enough, unless you are lazy and skip to step 10... that should speak for itself.

Step 9: Look Inward

  The last part of this, is that there is a 99% chance that you yourself are guilty of prejudice as well. Don't forget to look in the mirror so you can see what those 4 other fingers pointing back at you are really pointing at! Even if you only change your own behavior, it still is making a difference!!

Step 10: Promote This Idea

  I would be lying if I said I didn't want anyone to refer a friend back to this page. So I won't say it. Like in the previous step, you don't have to do much to make things better, even if you do nothing but forward this link, you have done something! This part is for all you lazy people out there: Drag and drop the link at the bottom and email it to a friend.

10 Easy Steps to Avoid Prejudice

Monday, June 15, 2015

new year, new hate II - The 2014 Review Google Didn't Want You To See...

I had to sit this one out for a while (finished it back in 2013 and ive been warned not to publish it or I may get sued, arrested, etc -- Mostly by the fascist corporate buttholes (the same ones who provide me this service). I do appologize for the long wait, minus the 6 month hiatus i recently returned from which of course was explained in my 2 page "dog-ate-my-homework" excuse yesterday.

Well, I finally got this approved (if you call malliciously publishing in the middle of the night "approved") but be warned, it may end being a dead link within the hour, so read fast!



Happy New Year??   Merry Christmas???
Hated You Year!!!!   Scary Bitch-List!!!!

I hated 2014, many of you people pissed me off last year. And my bitch-list has just gotten larger than ever before. However, this doesn't mean we can't take some time out of our day to appreciate the little things!! So I will chop this into sections dedicated to the new year.

About the Hatred of Mankind

Keeping in tradition with the site, and hating everything and everyone, as we do.. and hopefully I will help others to hate me as much as I hate them, and even better spread the joy of hatred to others. When was the last time you ran an old lady over crossing the street? Or helped your neighbor with the groceries by throwing them down the stairs and standing at the top, bellowing down "I'll bet you'll think twice before banging on my wall when my music is too loud you son of a bitch!".  There is so much you can do, but lets not forget the drive behind hatred for most people.

Hatred of Animals

I am talking of course about ugliness. So I dedicate this post to the ugliest animal in the world (next to you, the second ugliest I guess), the blob fish. Which I heard the other day was endangered. It basically looks like that crumb guy from "Aaahh!!! Real Monsters" that used to air on Nickelodeon. If you didn't exist back then, you shouldn't be reading this anyways. Go play digimon/bakugon (what is scarier, the scam itself or the fact that I remember how to spell it?) or whatever you kids play.  Anyhow, here's a good side-by-side of the two, except for being able to pull out his eyes and the arms+armpit hair, they could be twins right? Judge for yourself.

< class="rg_i" data-sz="f" name="xqEW4-Mpk6mhwM:" src="" style="height: 176px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; width: 287px;" />  

Hatred of People

Okay, ugly people sure.... but Beautiful people are worse. They are popping up all over the place!  I hate them so much that I decided that I am not going to write any more about them, so this is it, tuff titty said the kitty!

Hatred of Inanimate Objects

How many times did I throw the keyboard, mouse, or remote control (Wii) out the window last year?? Zero! It was one of my new years resolutions not to gang up on inanimate objects. I have taken up pillow spanking instead, even if it
seems to be a bit insane, its a much better example for my kids.  I tried to quit smoking, but the inanimate cigarette always seems to win somehow. So now we fight, I light, and then 1/4 of the way through, I stop, cut off it's head, and put it away.  I'm not a murderer or anything, its inanimate!!

Hatred of Computers

Speaking of inanimate objects, well, inorganic anyways... the computer can be the source of great pain for me as the errors on my hard drive, you know, the one my son just ran a bulk tape eraser across, just loses all my 3 years worth of work. Backup you say?  I did, but it seems like whenever I lose things, the backups I made are either incomplete from losing a disc, or on some site that got locked up due to inactivity, so I have myself only to blame of course I don't take it because I am a big puss like that.This year, I have a 9-tape digital media backup server, but alas, I don't have SCSI LVD (Low Voltage Differential, for those who don't know) on this machine so it's useless. Why put a network interface on such a device if you cant use it to upload to the tape, no, just for reading stats, no wonder the technology went obsolete, which is why I have this thing in the first place.  The funny thing is I have a server that has LVD, but only as a hot plug drive feature, no way to connect to the device even if I had a cable (its some weird alien LVD plug that only seems to be on the drives I have). And my new computer room in the attic was a bad choice, it is now -4 degrees F in there, i chose the site because i was afraid of overheating.... man be careful what you wish for...

Hatred of (Your) Kids

I love my kids, but I have to say that kids are like farts (in being that you only like your own). And I love my own far... er kids.  I can't stand being in line behind baby junior sonofabitch making faces at me, while i'm trying to look at his mom's ass... wait what?  Anyways, being the gentleman that I am, I decided
"Don't look at my mom's ass, fucker!!"
to smile back and that got me a 'hey dont look at my mom that way' comment in which I proceeded to bash his head in with the nearest stack of cans on sale. A picture of big baked beans on one side, junior's blood on the other. What a way to end the day, and right afterwards, a nice cigarette followed by a prank call to mother dearest.

What happened to...

At the beginning of last year I think I spent a lot of time wondering what happened to my new years resolutions from the previous year. This time I'll write them down. First, I must stop hating everyone and everything. Second, I must actually do it, and third, I must not pretend to have done it or to justify not doing it with some lame excuse. Even if nobody ever reads this, it makes me feel better just having written it in a public place, which is why I write this stupid blog to begin with. (what you thought it was for you?? hah! I would never invest that kind of time in someone else, ever heard of someone who loves to listen to the sound of their own voice? Well I love to listen to the sound of my own typing, very very therapeutic).

And Remember!!!

In the words of the great Jon Bon Jovi: "Bad Venison is One-Eyed Meat!"


* This post was written on January 1, 2014, but was drafted until January 24, 2014 when it was published to the archive. This post is considered to be inappropriate for audiences under the age of 18 or who are easily offended by lewd, extreme, violent, or otherwise publicly offensive behaviour.